Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
