last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
