I hope mine doesn't look like that
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
