Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
