I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
