the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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