sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
