I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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