he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
