And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
