I wish I could teleport
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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