At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
