the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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