We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
