I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
