I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I understand Curling. That high.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
