Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
