Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
