I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
