Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
