she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
