The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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