There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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