can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
