can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
