i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
