I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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