Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
