You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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