My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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