Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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