Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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