The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
