somebody snuck up and got me drunk
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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