I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
