Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
