operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
