I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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