I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
