Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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