the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
