just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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