im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
