I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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