dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
