can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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