Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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