he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
