Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
