There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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