Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
