he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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