my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
